Like many of us in this hemisphere, spring and summer are my favorite seasons. Spring brings feelings of revival and summer the joys of outdoor fun with friends and family. Here in the Bay Area, the late winter magnolia blooms are the promise that Nature is awakening. During my morning walks in early March, between the lingering winter rains, I love watching the bare brown branches of dormant trees grow green with budding leaves. The golden hills turn green and the geese return. I anxiously look forward to the vernal equinox when the light of day finally begins to surpass the dark of night.
But, for me, the autumn equinox usually brings feelings of melancholy and sadness. Knowing that 6 months of darkness lies ahead, I mourn the loss of the sun rising high in the sky, beaming directly into the east-facing half of my home. In early September, I become dismayed that the sunrise is later and later each day, moving south toward spring in the southern hemisphere. My morning ritual to begin the day by walking to my eastern windows to give thanks for another gift of Life just isn’t the same when all I see are the lights in the darkness, coming from the other side of the valley.
This year has been a different experience.
Nature’s seasons show us how Life is a cycle of release, rest, renewal, and abundance. Every fall, trees show us how to release what no longer serves us. When days are shorter, leaves can only produce a small amount of energy, so it’s more efficient for the tree to lose them and go dormant until spring. Losing leaves helps trees conserve resources and resist being blown over during the winter.
At the spiritual center I call home, our theme for the month is Self-Care September. I began with the intent to fully embrace it, but suddenly things started to fall apart. Funding cuts and team conflict piled on the stress and anxiety of leading a project to accomplish something that’s never been done. As result, new and existing health issues have been exacerbated, infringing on the balance I’d managed to finally achieve by setting boundaries between my work and play. Especially since the health issues are limiting my ability to do the things that bring me joy, like walking in nature, dancing, and exercising.
This year, fall has given me a lesson and a practice in self-care.
What do I need to release? What thoughts and worries are burdening my heart and getting in the way of my peace of mind? Where am I doing a “spiritual bypass” to avoid facing difficult emotions, overemphasize the positive, and down-play the negative? I live in an attitude of gratitude and have always been an optimist. But I seldom want to admit to and face negative feelings like sadness, fear, and anxiety. Until I do, I won’t realize the lesson and blessing of the autumn equinox.
